Joyful Loving

Relationship Coach  

Fun in The Bedroom

Posted by jueyann on October 27, 2009 at 5:08 PM

Fun in the Bedroom!!!



Does your “bedroom time’ with your intimate partner feel like fun? No? Ever think of introducing play? 


Usually fun or play in the bedroom does not happen because:

a)  We never thought of it

b)  We don’t know how

c)  We don’t allow our selves to be totally present


When practicing the Art of Tantra, the Art of Joy-full Loving, experiencing the moment is the focus instead of the big “O” or orgasm of western style of intimate loving.  Yes, orgasm is a part of the picture but only a by-product of the experiencing process.  Learning to play in an intimate setting when there is no goal is an excellent way to taste the “in the moment flavor” of Tantra.


Let me paint you a picture of what one “fun session” might look like.  The object of this fun session is to have the receiver have all their senses expanded and the giver to be as creative in producing as much sensation as possible.  This game I call “sense-u-all” fun.  


Let’s pretend I am the giver and my partner is the receiver. I have asked my partner if he would like to participate in a game that will take an hour and all he has to do is be with the sensations in his body.  No, he is not required to express his feelings. No talking either except feedback - sounds will do.


Earlier, I set up the bedroom to appeal to as many senses as possible.  Lovely inviting soft warm light of many candles, sensuous smell from the essential oil burner, relaxing Tantra music (list below) or some that has a subtle beat and the bed is arranged on the diagonal with beach sized towels on top of a special blanket that is attractive to protect in case of spills.  Another towel to use for a cover-up even though I have turned the heat up so it is cozy.   Beside the bed on a small cloth covered table are some of the sensual surprises for tonight – the rest are in a basket under the table.


The game starts in the bathroom where I invite my partner to experience a scented bath and let someone else doing the washing.  Soap is a wonderful slippery, sensuous medium so I add a good back scrub to balance the sensuous strokes the front received.  After a quick shower, I hold up a warmed towel and get a big smile, as I know I have permission to proceed. Fast rubbing on the back and definitely slower on the front a sigh lets me know senses are responding. As we enter the bedroom hand in hand my partner comments, “Great mood you have set”. 


We sit on the side of the bed discussing the intention and time frame.Coming to agreement, we say out loud - “I agree to 100% present – not in the past or future but right here.”  My partner states, “I allow my body and all my senses to come out to play and just receive for 1 hour”.   I add, “I allow my creativity to come out and play fully”!


I explain, “One way to assist you to be present is use a soft blind fold so you can’t be distracted by outside stimulation and it heightens the element of intrigue”.   “Would you like a back rub to start?”  “Yes” my partner replies. “For the time you are face down would you like the blindfold or when you turn over?”  The choice is when turned over so I ask that eyes be shut until then - my partner agrees.


Sliding the cloth off the small table to I expose the cool strawberries,massage oil warming in a bowl, a small bowl of ice cream in a second container filled with ice, a glass of liquor, a small amount of tapioca pudding, a group of frozen red globe grapes melting.  In the basket below rests a set of silk scarves of different weights, an ostrich feather, a clean sheep skin mitt for washing cars and a slinky piece of fabric.


Anticipating that my partner is expecting warm oil, I pick up the sheepskin mitt and rub it a quick crisscross action down the back to do circles on the buttocks changing to a fairy like touch like down the outside of the leg, strongly up the inside and fairy like down the other leg.  Picking up the oil bottle from the bowl of warm water I watch the drips spatter on to my partner’s buttock getting a reaction of surprise.  Oh good, now I know my partner is anticipating where I will be next – the game is  “a happenin’” and it fires my wish to be more creative.  As I massage oil to my partner’s shoulders and down the back, I feel his body relax and absorb the touch.  The consistency of the oil changes under the heat of my hands feeling sensuous to my fingers. Yum! Tracing my finger through the oil I do a fast feather stroke up my partners back and underarm hitting some sensitive zones.  Changing pace, again, I rub my partner’s back crossways getting faster to the end.  Picking up the ostrich feather, I pass it across my partner’s neck, nose – then to the knees.  The set up of the bed as it gives me lots of room to sway to my partner’s head and feet.  I kneed the buttocks with the tips of my fingers and quickly state, “It is time to turn over”. 


The blindfold in place, I comment, “That makes you look like a bad ol’ bandit” and add that flavor to my touch.  Running my fingers lightly up my partner’s sides I reach for the chocolate icecream and drip it on to the unsuspecting lips. Mouth opens making a surprised sound and a tongue licks it off – expecting more.   I make the next tasty delight a small amount of tapioca pudding on the tips of my fingers – rubbing slowly along the waiting lips.  My partner licks and I put my fingers on top of the tongue and follow them in.  Laying my fingers on the tongue I move them from side to side and withdraw them slowly.  As my partner cleans my fingers slowly, I reach for an ice cube and place it my mouth.  With it melting, I allow it to drip as I run my lips over my partner’s chest and tummy.  Then lick it off – variety of speeds slow to fast. 


I reach for the mitt and polish the just cleaned chest quickly as I warm the glass of liquor in my mouth.  Reaching forward I plant my soft pliable lips against my partners and as I get a response I plunge my tongue in letting the liquor spill into warm mouth.  My partner sends it back and the game gets yummier! I send it back quickly and break away because we committed to keeping this “just sensual”.


Next a cool strawberry run over the just warmed lips - as my partner bites it I remove the strawberry and run it across the left cheek, nose, and right cheek.  Rubbing it off with my finger, I place it on my partner’s lips to have the juice sucked off.  My partner nibbles my fingers – yes, it is playtime!


With my other hand I reach for a silk scarf and run it up, down and around my partner’s body. I love the challenge of creating the excitement of touch especially when it is a surprise because of the blindfold.  Slowly I drag the heavier scarf over his face and then replace it with the ostrich feather.  Silk in one hand and feather in the other, I do a dance of strokes on my partner’s body - I hear a ‘moan”.  Then I use both my hands in a light medium speed touch to show the contrast of temperatures between silk, feather and loving touch. 


Time to change tempo and peel the grapes that just pop out when melted a little.  I drop the grape on my partner’s lips - a surprised “Oh!” and the grape disappears.  I trace those lips with another then I nibble the grape juice off.  Time for more ice cream and this time I pour some from the bowl in a small steady stream, slowly swaying it from side to side challenging my partner to stay with the sensation.


Sliding the silky cool material over the lower abdomen is next – then down the inner thigh and up.  This creates a “sigh”.  Love this feedback! I retrace the pattern with my hands changing touch as I go, the body beneath my hands responds.  Then quickly I run the silky cloth again over the same pattern and slowly follow the centre of the chest back to the nose.  Covering the lower abdomen with the cloth I run my hands over it lightly creating yet another sensation.  Grabbing the almost warm oil I move to the feet and massage slowly.  A great intake of breathe lets me know that the licking of the second toe has created a sensually zing. As I continue to rub the same toe on the other foot I decide to change feet and choose a different toe to warm with my mouth. 


Alas, I have run out of time and not ideas - but my commitment was to give for one hour!  Should I ask my partner if longer would be a good idea? No?  Leave it for another time?  Yes, I decide that would be more exciting.  So I remove the blindfold, say the playtime is over and slide in for a hug!


Was that Fun? Yes? In what way would you do something similar?  Join in and play the Tantric way of expanding your senses making your world more alive and colorful.  From a place of expanded senses it is easier to be romantic, attentive and intimate. I invite you to expand your love past your wildest dreams by joining me for a weekend workshop. 


Tantra Music suggestions:  The Calling by Oceanic Tantra, Music for Lovers by Steven Halpern, Tantra Heart by Shastro


(Originally published in The Source Magazine)



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